Lilith

my vaginal canal is lined with razor teeth
my sex is an ever devouring shark
I give birth to the grotesque
many limbs
many heads
many blinking eyes
Lucifer loved me
Adam despised me
I attacked the cities by the sea
I fled to the mountains
and birthed my horrors
I am mother to monsters
the rage of every dominated woman
my children consume the offspring
of that tyrannical god
I am the dark Goddess
the demon queen
I chewed through my ropes
heaved myself over the wall
and spat on the doorstep of paradise
they fell
and we feasted upon them
when there was light
also was bred darkness
and my soul is imbued with it
I am the breeder of nightmares
long hair a tangle of thorns
white rose and my bloodied breath
and so great predators
gathered under me
his puppets tried to slay the great serpent
tried to prevent my fertility
but I came screaming down upon them
my gates were gates of death
and those who came to me
can not return to life
they came only to enter the Pit
and watched me kiss the mouth of Samuel
we are nephilim
the sparse pale moon my sister
I howled through the wind
chased fatted hypocrites
on their wobbling legs
over the hills of my own vengeance
I ate their hearts without fear
I stood on their graves
and terrified their children
I am the Other God
the Blind Dragon
and my femininity
will fill up all the holes
of his most imperfect savage world

Ma'at

turn your big white
lidless eye
on me
pallid moon

witness to my rising
crown of teeth
at calvary
I dug up ancient red skull

I saw alters to cats
I watched the dead
weigh their souls against feathers
I saw blood run waist deep in the street

history was a flat disc
flattened by murderous hands
that molded us in its image
and the lidless moon watched all

never blinked
never sinked
below that dark horizon
Morning Star carried her on his back

Morning Star fell
and kissed her on the way down
Lilith is my willful mother
formed from dust and spit

we saw the shore
heard Romans slashing the gates
saw Germanic tribes gashing the Romans
saw all and breathed life into careful death

Furies gave me name at the foot of Dis
The Morrigan built me a heart of battlefield meat
Scathach broke my fingers
and Hecate filled my head with stars

they named my flesh Woman
set me in the way of all men
so insolent and sure
their dicks swinging in their hands

set me, Woman, in the way
gave me divine right, judgement
set big pallid moon
pulling at my womb

told me to tug the world from mud
stand against little vengeful god
vomit at his feet
as we live without him

big white moon
eternal, lidless
turn your eye on me
as I rip their ribs out

and remake the heavens in the image of Woman

Christ Chuck, What Next?

all these beautiful broken boys
and not one of them named Christ

I would break fingers with hammers
if I thought it would do any good
but saints feel no pain

and hate you when you press against them

I should have sold my soul
in a buyer's market
but now it's dirty and useless
like an old condom

and pretty boys don't want it anyways

saints hate to get dirty
and I live in mud

who the fuck let
all those wispy eyelashed looks in here?
sleeping at my shoulder
caressing my breasts
and whispering in my ear
that they love me
but only under the right conditions

like heavy alcohol
and heavier drugs
maybe when they are deep inside you

possibly if I was drowning in the bath
or maybe falling from the sky
on fire
like a comet of whore-like intentions
and a great big fucking
ball of promises

that I was never going to keep

Charles Bukowski said,
"Find what you love and let it kill you."

but I don't think the crusty old fucker meant like this
achingly slowly
my brain on fire every night
my cunt throbbing
waiting

humped over like a toad
creeping in the night
to slip down some unsuspecting victim's throat
and squeeze the air out of their heart

fucking saints
and their saintly touch
and their saintly fucking ways
and their beautiful eyes
and flowing hair
and silken skin
and stupid fucking sympathies

fucking kill me and get it over with
love me to death
so I can get up
and get that glass of whiskey
I've been thirsting for like blood
I need a shower
and maybe a plasma transfusion
so I can linger with the ghost of your cock still inside me

and by the way
you can tell Christ
when you see him next
that I told him
he should come down here
to pound in his own goddamn nails

my hammer is broken
and I'm tired of crucifixion anyways

Lips as Red as Blood

my thighs are slick in a rush of blood
crimson thickness is running down my legs
past my knees
pooling at my ankles

it's filling up my mouth
when I part my lips
I can only speak in burbles
and spit the ground all red

the dirt drinks me deep
filling up the cracks in the landscape
my femininity dripping
a trail of jeweled droplets to his door

he can never understand my comfort
in the drips left behind on the white tiles
as I slip from the kitchen to the bedroom
seeking lips to kiss only hard

he cringes in the face of the female rigor
that stiffens my belly
with unkempt want and forgetful desire
he does not understand what it means to bleed

to bleed with no blooming wound
to sit folded in on your self
with fingers tipped in blood
and eyes heavy in unfocused thought

the ground is thirsty for me
the moon tugging at my white dress
slowly turning crimson in the fading night
as he twists nervously at the door

he is goose stepping around my trail
gingerly picking his way to a clean spot
he quivers, 'I can feel the red tide of you slamming into me
even with my back turned'

I whisper through lips as vermilion as blood
'then never turn your back on me
and you will never have to know the nightmares
I have been saving especially for you
never turn your back on me
and I will not come howling for you in the night.'

I take my white dress and crimson flowers
blooming all over the room
and fly up to the ceiling
grasping only shining bloodied kisses

I leave trails of garnet on his face
I tug at his hair
I weave in and out and in again
dipping my red fingerprints down his back

and when the night cries in staining tears
the patches he is unable to bleach away
he will remember me all in white
and know what it is to be wanted in only a hard red way

Vicious Poetry

with her hand clenched tight over my mouth
she reached down
and exacted a vicious poetry

syllables rang true only on her tongue
her hand tightening
as I tore through the moment

tore with teeth and lips
nothing trembled so much as vibrated
a million heartbeats every minute
every stuttering breath
melting

her eyes black pools
dead vortexes now fixated on my skin
pin-points of stars caught up in a futile field
eyelashes dipping into unseen seas

between small bones and lovers
her teeth ensnared my name
whispered in high-toned bells over silent sheets
she tricked my language with feverish fingers
until I revealed the last point of expectation and exertion

in the halting movements of stellar bodies
in between her words in dead languages
with the linear sweat between one world and the next
a seam opened in the void

and with her hand still on my mouth
I slipped my fingers in
and touched the shining face
of an exquisitely vengeful god

Drowning Days

You have that slow-drowning feeling to you.
I can feel your fingers around my ankles,
and you are pulling me down under perfectly calm blue-green waters.
Wrapping yourself around me like seaweed;
A slow wet hug squeezing the air out of my lungs.

You can breathe down here.
You can open your mouth and let the water flood in.
You live on the tiny microbes filling your belly.
Feed on their brief lives and snuff them out with your constant hunger.
Your eyes illuminate from the inside out so you can see in the darkest depths.
Your skin has turned to scales in these ebbing tides.

I, however, am drowning in your sweetness.
You are whispering "Ophelia" in my ear;
over and over and over again.
I can feel petticoats growing heavy around me;
these delicate chains of blue flowers twisting in my fingers.
I stare at the too clear sky and feel the water lapping at my cheeks.

"Ophelia... Ophelia...
He is crushing your heart;
pulling you down.
Can you not see his insanity,
bringing you to sandy ocean floors and rocky river bottoms?
Your body will flow over miles of sunken civilizations,
forever immortalized in sailors' hoarse-throated songs.
Ophelia... Ophelia...
You can not breathe water like air, girl..."

These ebbing tides that keep you alive with movement,
will eventually wash my body ashore.
My mouth full of pearls;
My eyes covered over in scales.
Your marshy touch will dress my body in cat-tails and swamp bugs;
Little brightly coloured fish will dart from my heart to my lungs.
Seabirds will nest in my hair in the filmy half light from deep unexplored pools.
I have become the shipwreck of your soul,
And those are pearls in my eyes.

Good night, sweet ladies.
Good night.
Good night.

Monstrous

Your skin
is eating my dreams
whole

Your teeth
like picket fences
bordering an infested world of unwanted images
of you
and your smiling
crooked at best
and always
moving

I
am a parting image
at the worst of times
with little meaning
embedded in your railroad righteousness
you have girls in your clutches
you want more
you want them bending
will and all to your needs
your textual sexuality

but you do not know
you are a ghost
an insect in the machine
you create a world you do not exist in
and write pages of uninteresting
extraneous language
for the joy
of little gods in uneven places

"I have the gun.
I am the superhero;
the anti-hero;
the man in the black coat;
I spit bullets,
and love hairless girls."
You are choking on importance,
visiting the earth under your thumb
crying at the injustice of it all
you reek of mortality
and birth nothing wanted

I, however,
am already swallowed by the Idea
I have come here
and I have laid down my life
for the right to the Idea
and I am one with the Word
and the Idea
and I am coming for you
to show you the way
to femininity and subservience
I will show you us
I will show you the token of being us
Our tokenism
Our words and works you choose not to read
and I will show you the way in a handful of flesh
because you are the Man
all importance and breeding
and you need direction more than I do

You are nothing without us
and I am coming for you
whether you like it or not

The Word

I wrote a single word upon his lips;
One Word--
--Vengeance.

And I kissed that Word,
worked it upon my tongue,
forcing it past his objections--
wetting the interior of his mouth,
and shoving it down his throat.

In my eyes he saw Hell;
In my face he saw will;
and in my hands he felt the force,
of what I had become.
Held the name of it with his fingertips,
and whispered it out loud--
--Evil.

"Are those snakes upon you?"
Serpents, my love;
Serpents with knowledge of your ills,
and your preference for pretty young things--
Firm tits under your hands,
round asses between your knees;
Wet mouths dripping with hunger,
and overt drug-induced pleas to fuck on the kitchen counter.

"And what are you, so darkened on this diatribe?"
Me? I am disillusionment with heavy breasts.
I am the weapon in sexuality.
I am the fear of intellectual aggressiveness.
I am the undelicate, the weighted, the unrest,
the opened-eyed antithesis to morality and concept.
I am the voodoo poet, the neurotic sex symbol,
the reverence for the systemic failure
of your little self-important world.
I am the Devil come to sit with you for lunch,
and talk about your house plants.

I am the one with the Word.
I am the one who has stored up that Word,
and given birth to the Idea of the Word--
I have taken the Word,
and molded it,
and fired it,
and breath'd life into it.
I have become the Word--
The Idea;
The moment when the Idea becomes the Word,
and forces itself upon your ears and lips and eyes.

And I am forcing it past his lips,
ending conversations and confessions--
Pleas and rebukes-- ending with the Word.
His eyes are rolling back in his head;
he is twirling his neck from side to side,
wide-eyed, mouth working, tongue flapping;
But I am now consumed in the Word,
coming out all sweet and dripping--
and with sticky fingers,
trailing along his shirt collar,
I leave him with the loss of the Word,
bleeding out onto the table.

And I am Vengeance,
with the Word firmly written upon her lips,
and a kiss too unspeakable to ever want.

The Burden

He called my name;
--It made me shudder;
and stutter,
and try to say something important.

He, who was unguarded,
now had dogs at his feet.
He wanted me to bend over,
and do as he said.
He wanted to force himself into my mouth,
fill me with his importance,
his singular word,
--His seed; unerring his strength and malice.

I resisted the urge to bite down.
I resisted the urge to plunge something into his chest.
If I opened a hole in him,
he could feel what it was like to be penetrated;
He could feel what it was like to be a woman.
I could force the birth of his organs,
--and through pain he could know what it was to be us.

Us, weaker sex; us, stone around your neck;
You love to hate us; love to watch us under you.
Watch us on our knees- taking what you like,
what you see as order in the eyes of God;
Speak your word and we can have a place at your side.
You hate to love us; hate our tidal bodies and pointed stares.
Hate the word upon our lips,
our teeth set to free our sisters;
Latched to ship's poles we never break,
we know you and shut our eyes at your blows;
And you will never know how we birth'd our disdain,
and hid it behind our tongues.

And with his veiled dislike of my unfolding,
he forced me down, cooed my name;
Told me to run my hands over my eyes.
Said this was right;
This was a game of control,
but he offered no respect to that other sex,
read no fairer author, saw no art in the hands of delicate ease.
"I am man," he mouthed over my head,
and shoved his fingers past my lips.

--He called my name;
Burden,
and I turned away.

Bull's Blood

he raised the axe above his head
his swing long and true
the moonlight glinting down the blade
his hands straining against the wood

with my feet pounding down that dirt road
I saw his arms moving
my lungs burning with air
my blood cursing my veins

Big Black Bull
it's hot breath snorting
dust kicking up under its hooves
an eye gone wild pulling against the bonds

Big Black Bull
calling out to the night in frantic timing
my legs faltering as I ran down that drenched road
the darkness cutting before me

the Bull as black as the night surrounding it
I raised it up with my own hands
raised up that Bull
and called him mine

when the axe met its mark
that wild eye rolled back one last time
his arms shuddered with the impact
and the blade came away now dark with blood

finally reaching his side
he turned to me and said,
'gather up the blood in a steel dish,
for to waste nothing is to want for nothing'

I dropped down beside that great beast
its hot breath now cold and un-stirring
I dug my fingers into the dark bloodied fur
and nestled the dish beneath its throat

I wiped my hands on my long skirt
staining the fabric the deep red of Bull's Blood
my hands dark in dirt and fur
Bull's Blood running down my arms mingling in my own veins

I am now a bride of Bulls
mistletoe tangled in my hair
white Bulls at my side
my skin dark with blood

I who have seen them thundering from the sea
I who have seen the priests in the trees
I who have stood as Bull opened up the ground
I who have rode upon his back with swords in my arms

the Blood is flowing in me now
forcing my heart to beat
I turn one mad eye
and my breath comes out in a hot snort

he pivots to me at the sound
the axe still at his side
I run my hand through my hair
and feel for horns growing there

A Dim Wish

You have given me words and I have used them;
You have given me thoughts and I have twisted them;
You have touched me and in that moment I let it happen.

Your hands took my integrity
with the force of your fingers,
digging into my thighs
running your teeth down my spine.

I screamed and you smiled.
I crumpled under your weight and you giggled madly,
Madman...
Madness riddling your brain;
making your eyes little dark holes in your head.
Your smile is all crooked teeth,
and malicious intent;
You peer into my mouth with that look on your face
and I know I am lost.

Lost to your crippled heart;
When you pull against me, I bend,
I never wanted to
but in the moment I lose all choice--
All independent movement;
Suddenly puppet to your demented driving,
The mad giggling shrill in my ears.

You are poison reaching, poised intent;
No gentility only tearing.
Me, tearing.
A ripping in the event,
The time, me.
You are the year in reverse,
mad eyes rolling back in your head
as you drive your fingers deeper into me.
Ripper reaper nipper seeper--

You are the death of my dreams,
You are the death of my skin,
all teeth and fingers and material madness.
I hate you with all my aching,
my arching,
I hate you.

A dim wish fills my mind--

Your hand covers my mouth,
Fluttering,
and everything goes dark
in the shadow of your black intent;
Your darker plan.
And I am extinguished in the eyes of God.
Abandoned here,
Wrecked on your insane shore.
Wreckage all around me.

I drown in you,
Rippling in the light,
Grinding your teeth together,
Running your tongue over your rotting lips,
I am looped in the loops of your hair,
and know I am drowning there.
I hold my breath and sink.
The world goes dim-- dark,
I hear you laughing from far away,
I am gone,
and no one will ever search for me here.

Milk and Honey

I have fed on milk and honey
sweetness sticking to my lips
gently dripping down my chin
rivulets flowing along my neck
collecting in the curve of my bosom

I have tasted you and known sugar
our lips meeting like the petals of a closing flower
your mouth dipping to my breast
your hands sliding down my hips
we have lapped at each other in a moment of quivering weakness

we have shared that weakness like a drug
breathing heavily in a near breathless moment
skin taking on a glowing sheen in the dancing candle light
silken hair draped over the exotic satins of the bed
your fingertips enchanted with music

it is here that I was transported to another place
another time where my heart was light and my soul unfettered
when my Eros stood unchallenged by rough voices
and I could see clearly through that sheer top you wore
to your soft breasts beneath

I could see your heart beating through your chest
your pulse racing up your throat
we stood in that throbbing mass
twisting to the beat of a demigod in plastic
sliding bodies moving without measure or restriction
and loved each other as only disasters could

now as you lay panting in my arms
I drift between coffee-coloured worlds of movement and stillness
our limbs tangled like ripe vines
our breathe sweet with honey
I capture this moment in the slow sap of my mind
and never let you go

retelling the story

this is the happiest moment of your life
you are so very happy
so very fucking happy

i am afraid
afraid that you are reading this and not telling me
i am afraid you have found me out
found me under this pile of rubble i have named my soul
my heart in pieces like a collapsed building
the structure buckling under the pressure
pressurized hate in the form of soft words
i will build a kingdom of letters
and an army of sentences with no punctuation

i am stripping my clothing off
i am doing it slowly
seductively
sliding silk down my skin like a waterfall
scent curls around me softly
lifts me to my own hands
running down the length of my legs
kneading the flesh under my fingertips
slipping into another space
a different place in the world of my mind
i drift
and i do not come up for air

you are just so happy
the smile is cutting your face in half
cutting across your vision
she's everything you ever dreamed of
so young
so nubile
so lithe
so thin
such perky tits
such sexual energy
such a game you play

i darken your day with my passing
i am a rain cloud
heavy
a lightening strike smoldering in the ground
a crater to inevitability
to discomfort
i am not thin
my breasts sag with the weight of age
they sway in a mesmerizing hypothesis of damaged reality
my stomach is round with a life lived rather than a life denied
the scars that dance across the pale expanse of my epidermis
whirl like spinning dervishes of pain and story

here!
this is where my leg run afool of a large rock in the swimming hole
this is where my cat dug his claws into my arm in a moment of fear
this is where pain took me over and i sliced away at myself
trying to find the truth
trying to find the exit
look here!
this is where i split open and the entire universe fell out
i am a mother in the stars with no children
i birth only ideas
ideas and eroticism that has grown useless in the intervening years
i am breathing stardust
coughing on emotional warfare
and throwing it back up
the river flows out of me in a wave of blood
and falls back down to earth
i have crept forward and stood in the light

i manage this every few years
every few years i manage this resurrection
every few years the feelings reemerge
i feel for you again
i open myself with the tiniest crack
and i let you in
every time i regret it
i regret the light seeping into the back of my eyes
and i regret your words most of all
maybe i am finally finished with you
with all of you

i am living for myself now
i am living for the ecstasy of the Idea
the moment when word forms the Idea
when speech fails but the Idea remains
when the logic of it becomes
the most erotic eruption in this space
these references to other poets
our Ideas existing
just being
being

your happiness means nothing to me now
i eat men like fire
and only the Idea remains
i am the erotic in my own right
and i exist alone
in a world
without
you

a little female Rage

i am a Woman

my body is a black (w)hole
drawing everything near me
to the inside of me

and tearing it to pieces

a gravitational love
a thousand directions at once

appearing here
and exploding outwards
on the other side of the galaxy

in a deep black universe
one luminous pin-point
in so many stars

a burning heart for a burning sky
back on earth

girl

i saw her standing there
nervously rubbing her palms
over her thighs
biting her lip
looking side to side
her dress clinging at her knees
mud splashed up her legs

i wanted to
i wanted to touch her
i wanted to hold her

but i knew that
would make everything
so much worse

fairytale

if this were a new world
and these were our first steps
upon these fabled shores
we would know
that we could not face Her armies
and survive

but in the ignorance and knowledge
of foreign empires
we advanced as if there was nothing
in us to lose
as if the fires surrounding the towers
did not mirror the fire in Her eyes

as if She did not know
that no matter how wicked our hearts
or how vigilant our minds
that Her crimson lips and ebony hair
would stand always as a gleaming beacon
on darkened hills

that could outnumber our quickening breaths
and summon us to our deaths

bed sheet goddess

you explored the hollows of
her stomach
and wished for a roundness
to swell there
for her breasts to
grow tender

you lay your head just below her ribs
willing another heartbeat

with your knees on the white sheets
hands on either side of her hips
you mouthed against her belly

a name
a single name

again and again

her fingers may have been in your hair
her eyes fading in the soft light

but you knew

(o' sweet mother of my children)
you will never see Louisiana

mutilation

palms down
gripping my legs
fingers splayed wide
nails dug in
when the hands
were pried away
left little half moons
in angry red

Inspired

her Legs

i wanted to thank
all of the time
but i lacked will
and He had told me
i had Beauty
but no grace
so i lacked confidence as well

but her Legs

each purple vein on white velvet skin
was a path demanding exploration
each gentle curve
requiring navigation
a soft pace
her skirt brushing her knees
a meandering land where i wanted to find home
and lay my head in easy comfort