God, I'm Hungry

I have a secret drawer
I keep my lovers there
I hide them under my father's obituary
and one of the few medals
I ever won
You never gave me a letter
and I had to steal a photo
so I have little to keep
and fewer places to remember them
stuck between the pages of some volume
I hid my hunger
the petals of a different love
and I forgot about them
someday in the mountians of books
that fill my bookcases
I will stumble across it again
and remember something
feel something
trace those pressed edges
and peel up the corners
my underneath
never really forgets
I move on
but I am not the kind
to ever really let go
it's always under there
somewhere
maybe stuck to the underside of the desk
weighed down by old trinkets
but I never really
let my love for you go
I am as dusty
as a dust jacket
crinkled like ancient paper
I pressed myself in those pages long ago
between those covers
petrified like old cookies
warm as chocolate tea
that's where I keep my secret hunger
folded and bent
under a thousand feet
of broken heart pieces
with the curse
of a good memory
and the prying apart
of tenderest lips

The Thickening Wood

I ran through wet tree branches
and felt the recoiling sting shock me
back to my own disheveled mind.

With little droplets of sap in my hair
and deep red welts blooming on my skin
I ran, feet pounding against the needled floor.

I ran, even as the rain pelted me pink
against the dark green hands
reaching for me.

I ran, sloshed through the creek,
upon smooth coloured pebbles worn flat
and perfect for skipping.

I ran through tall grass, with the alfalfa in bloom,
scraping at my thighs;
little purple flowers caught up in my dress.

I ran and startled big black birds to air
a great rush of wings
past my ears, all frightened.

I slid down the hill once dust
now turned to mud in the rain,
splashing up my knees with wet dirt.

I pounded down the road, a muddy rut,
my breath coming in rattling gasps,
my legs aching fire sinking into the damp ground.

At the end of the trail,
I dove back into the thickening wood
as the sticker bushes clung to me, pulling me from my path.

The canopy closed over my head,
lushed green deepening the further I fled
into those flats of wild roses and bull pines stretching for the sky.

The black berries brambled in my way
and ripped at my skin with swaying thorns;
sweet juice staining the souls of my feet black; berries crushed under foot.

I ran, not once looking behind me but frantically sprinting faster;
I outran my slicked thoughts of you to the crumbling river bank,
and when I got there I dove straight in and let the flood waters pull me away.

I Knew Right Then That You Would Break My Dirty Heart

And you might wake up tomorrow
with the strange taste of blood
in your throat

and you might wonder where the summer went.

You might wonder about the cold place next to you
and the strange perfume upon your pillows.

You might bury your head in your arms
and remember unusually cool skin on a sweltering night
curled against you
whispering something
that sounded like a dirty confession of love.

You might think you remember me
but I am just a dusty ghost
on your tongue
that you collected one warm night
from the trash cans in the alley
and I have gone home
with my dirty pitch black heart
to the clean white snows of Winter's hands
and the gentle caresses of Fall's windy tongue
to calm myself of your summery lies,
your heated hands
and your golden shining skin.

Lady Resurrection

I have you to thank for this,
for this empty room
where I have come and made my home

I remember thinking it looked comfortable
with these walls painted in blood and chocolate and late summer fruits
but I can't remember if I thought I wanted to spend my life here

Justice is useless, unneeded and impotent
but I have it nonetheless
retribution was in my teeth when I kissed you

You with an acidic mouth
a twisting disposition sure to twist away from me
totality swaying your head for me

Swaying, snake-like rhythm
our home in words
your page is mine and you know how to hurt me

The sound is closer now
the droning is filling up my head
I am kissing with all my teeth
and screaming with all my resurrection intact

I am the red queen
naked in your bed
a kingdom of crumpled sheets
at your feet
and my hair taking over the pillows

You stood in the corner
gently mouthing
'I made a mistake'

The mistake was made before you and I came here
and I have guarded it with all my armies
all my damned men still mine in God's eyes

I am a resurrection just for you
You called me Lady Returner
couldn't burn me out of the room
even when you turned your back
and hated me with all your heart

I can not see you
I never could
and the anger in me flew out
with great black wings
and shouted at the men below
until they clutched their heads
and crumpled to the ground

And what am I now but the vessel
the holy order of emptiness
marching into an angry dawn
with your name upon my lips
my feet pointed to oblivion
and my mind bent beyond the ever-loving tongue of God

Out Here She's Already Gone

my words
dipped in heat
and hesitation
come out
and spill down your neck
fevered
sticky
like my breath
all undone
and weak

but you have come here
for only one reason
need in your searching fingers
and open mouth
want shimmering down your limbs
slipping in and out of your mind
my face lost in the focus
of the moment
the skin
the sliding

sheets become landscapes
and words become useless
only breath and clutching
take up the air in here
i close my eyes
as you slip your hands into my hair
to hold me still
i seem to be vibrating in and out
of here
out of your urging
panting

'please stay here with me'

i am already gone
already fading
sighing down the wall
and onto the floor
my shadow finding the door
pulling me to the street below
in between the trees
and blackened out stars
like missing teeth
running jaggedly
outside among the towers
forever

you will feel better when I am gone
you just don't know it yet

Hardened Season

my tomato plants are dead
each leaf a black reminder of cold ground
the vines have slackened their hold on the world
the fruit is rotten

winter is creeping into the air
the rain pouring in sheets
the crows sit on the wires across the alley
ruffle their feathers sending droplets to the street below

they call out to the gray clouds
now so close you could reach out and touch them
their raspy voices echo across the world
with glinting prizes in their beaks they fly furiously on

my cat at the window flicks his tail
making small clicking noises of annoyance at their tantalizing presence
he turns his golden eyes to me
and purrs his animal love to the wildness he remembers

I wrap my arms around myself
rest my forehead against the cool glass
watch the day darken
and wish passion was for something better than this

Sudden Understanding

you were not the only man i stood naked for in that doorway

your guilt is your own problem
and i am indifferent
now caught on to a new game

red tides on cold mornings
listening to bird songs
and i am still naked

am still a shimmering doorway

----

o' little bird
the cat would snap your neck
if she only had a chance