Suicide Love Note

Who would want me?
I don't even want me.
I'm just waving from the pond
ducking under the water
with stones in my pockets
little drips of cyanide
leaving acid punches
to the inside of my cheeks
deep in love
with the hole
in the backyard
I dug it last year
keep the dog far hence
lest he dig it up again
I planted bone trees
in the bone yards
bleached by the sun
worn by the weather
I'm leaking love
spitting out charm
choking on need
trying to fuck my way
to forgiveness
and failing
and flailing
and tumbling
down the steps
of your indifference
fucking those pretty whores
in their pretty faces
I don't wanna
know anything anymore
why do I have to put up
with your guilt?
I did nothing
to deserve it
and I lack it entirely
I've got a note for you
I wrote it on my flesh
in the form of black eyes
and fucked up
reasonable decisions
Love is the lie they tell
to you
when they want
your legs to open up
and your cunt to spill out
I fucked the world
looking for you
and you would rather
kill your heart
than let me know you
I found the reason to die
and it was in your eyes
the whole fucking time

The Cliffs at Devil's Head

I can see the lie
glistening on the edge
of your lips
you are about to let it
drip down on my head
three little words
to see if you can work
your fingers
into my demonic underwear

your tongue forces it
past my teeth
searches for the back
of my throat
testing if I have any
gag reflex left
caressing my chin
lacing your fingers
in my hair
to pull my head back

your mouth
travels lower
and slower
tongue on tightening nipple
hands clenched
into white mounds of flesh
I feel the lie
seep into my skin
and wish only for
love and sex

I am the shore
you wreck your ship upon
the beach you storm
the castle walls your breach
the fire you douse
the tree you pull down
the door you kick open
and the legs your pry apart

I've got the Devil whispering in my ear
offering me little peices of candy
on long tethers
dangling over cliffs
I pluck at your chest
like strings on a cello
trying to pull at your heart
I hold you to me
fearful of what you will say
I tip over the edge
and feel the air
rush past my ears

if you let me go
I will fall
and never stop
but falling never bothered me
it's only those sudden stops
at the end
that worry me so

I Lost My Page

I feel pressed
flattened
like flowers between
the pages
of a heavy book
on your dusty shelf

you press me down
perserve me
your weight on top of me
smoothing me out
holding me here
as I try to float
out the door

you collapse on me
you feel me worming
squirming
pushing to that grey edge
pushing myself nearly over
twisted like leaves
caught in an updraft

you flatten my world
your eyes
pin me to these pages
to these sheets
my fluids on your fingers
I am drying up
my soul blows no more

I am pinned
our hair twisted
I buried my heart
beside my wounded knees
you watched on
and hated me

I won't stop loving you
even when you toss the book out
when you tear up the petals
when you spit my name out in a curse
I will love you
and flatten myself agianst the wall
to hide nameless evermore

Your Ear is Bleeding

the scar tissue had grown up over my lips
or maybe it was my cunt
either way he wouldn't listen to me
wouldn't listen to what I had to say
wouldn't list what I had to yell
just put his hands over his ears
clenched his legs and hummed

hummed a stupid tune
a stupid tone
a stupid tomb
for his cock to die in

I jammed my knees up against his ribs
sunk them in
bruised my way to something to say
snapped his head back
and still
all he would yell was
'la la la la la la'
at the top of his lungs

'I'm not listening!'
sing song singing
even as I pried his hands away
from the sides of his head
even as I pressed my breasts against
his now blackened purple ribs
in a display of violent caressing that I knew
had to hurt
'I'm still not listening!
La! La! LA!
Not listening! Not listening!
NOT LISTENING!'

that's when I punched him in the face
rattled his teeth around inside his mouth
twin rivers of blood gushing from his nostrils
suddenly stunned into silence
both eyes as big as dinner plates
tongue working but nothing coming out
his cock limp
his hands useless
at his side
his lips swelling 

I took a deep shuttering breath,
shored up my anger,
clenched my legs and said,
'I love you,
and I don't like it.
Now stop bleeding on my sheets
and get the fuck out of here.'