Maybe the Beast is Me

such big lies
slipping out of such a small mouth
I might hate myself
but don't we all
last time I looked
I'm pretty sure I saw you
scarring your face
trying to obscure
your beauty
so the world would see
you as ugly as I am
my ugliness comes
from what they did to me
on those swings
in the gravel pit
by the teeter totters
over by the jungle gym
all the names
ground into my skin
like nut shells
and broken clay pots
I am buried
in an archeological dig
of my own making
my fractured stupid past
the dinosaur bones
of flapping dicks
and fear making me run
that dog near my side
they cut my hair
so long it brushed my ass
they ruined it
cut it all off
in a moment of easy cruelty
I bled tears
valued my ugliness
hid myself
cringed when anyone
reached out to touch me
I can't stop cringing
even now
she said
you deserve someone
who wants to be with you
I cried
bitter ugly tears
made ugliness my armour
twisted snarled lips
howling angry at the moon
cursing the father who led me here
the ruin that made
lampshades of my skin
that made me
crawl on the ground
licking rocks
and bashing my knees
on your stairs
maybe the beast is me
maybe I can't see
beyond these red scars
maybe you should slay me
drive your words right down into my chest
make me choke on your obscured eyes
claim that beast
fuck her all up
tear her tongue out
nail it to your wall
I can speak no lies
I can speak not
Your beauty has killed me
and I am buried in the remains
of my childhood

Fucker

though faceless and thick
it knows its way around the room
it knows the secret names
I keep for things
and where I hide my chocolate bars
its leafing through my magazines
digging around in my porn stash
rearranging the shelves
and driving me crazy
it broke several glasses
smashed them to little bits
on the kitchen floor
ate all the cereal
and put the milk carton
back in the fridge empty
it smoked my last cigeratte
and finished the bottle of Jim Beam
it scratched up my favorite records
dog eared my books
got into my drugs
and smoked them all up
it stole my poems
and read them aloud
cackling wildly
it spent the night passed out
on the bathroom floor
and used all the hot water
if I could just get my hands on it
I'd strangle it all the way
when I look straight forward
I see the two of us
but when I turn my head
no one's there
and my fingers pass through air

You Go In Pieces

"I brought you a peace offering."
you say with too-much teeth grin
I want no more pieces of you!
I've had quite enough I think
I'm full up to the brim
with your dirty fucking pieces
all the little dusty chunks of yourself
you left around my apartment
I keep tripping on them
choking on them in my sleep
stumbling over them in the dark
on the way to the bathroom
when I get up to go take a shit
stubbing my toes against them
and hopping the rest of the way
expletives waking up the neighbors
 rattling  their ears
I want to toss up all those pieces of you
I had to swallow back down
when you looked at me funny
when you made a crack
about my lack of housekeeping skills
now it's pieces of you strewn about the fucking place
so untidy 
come get them
I don't want them anymore
I'll give you some plastic bags to wrap them in
to keep them from escaping back into my bed
I'll get the dust pan and the broom
you can keep all the cracked little bits
I've had enough to last me a life time
I'm all full up
I don't need them anymore
you keep those little pieces you keep offering me
I ain't got no more room for anyone else's regrets
but my fucking own

Dead Channel

I can hear you
trying to haunt me
your voice
coming through
like broken static
phonetic
frantic
cracked and crackling
ghost transmissions
on the still air of bright nights

hey, those
radio frequencies
my silver fillings
are trying to pick up
static
where your words
used to be
hissing through
the frayed wiring
of my soul
come in over Toyko
somewhere over Hawaii
can you hear me?

rattling around in my head
reverberating off the walls
I turn over
I turn the dial
I change the channel
big old test pattern
in the sky
the colour of scratched records

you got some
tv antennas caught in your hair
and big parasitic
advertisers jacking your waves
reprogramming
your late night
monster movies
to sell us
sentimental bullshit
packaged in sexist
dessert recipes
and bikini photos

you haunt me
with noise
broadcast every stupid thought
straight through rewiring
down fiber-optic cables
and up old copper tubes
I take the old Nintendo
into the other room
I'm going to play Mario
until dawn crackles
out distant warnings
over electric mountians
to drown out
your moaning
straight through the charged air
all wireless
until the end of my ears

only binary coded
sunlight knows the truth
and you turned it all off
years ago
anyways
the great switch in the sky
hard wired to your passing whims
'hey there
dancing robot girl
get up and dance for me'
I'd give anything to be
a sexy cyborg demon
and eat your
cognitive
heart right out of your
shiny tin chest

fuck the stars
in the space we
burned out for them
and fuck your
electornic
advances
while we're at it
I'll see you in the Hell
where they send rotary phones
and rabbit eared TV sets
you'll find me on the throne
cybernetic vengaence
with your name
still warm on my lips
and your robotic blood
still sticky on my hips

Your Ear is Bleeding

the scar tissue had grown up over my lips
or maybe it was my cunt
either way he wouldn't listen to me
wouldn't listen to what I had to say
wouldn't list what I had to yell
just put his hands over his ears
clenched his legs and hummed

hummed a stupid tune
a stupid tone
a stupid tomb
for his cock to die in

I jammed my knees up against his ribs
sunk them in
bruised my way to something to say
snapped his head back
and still
all he would yell was
'la la la la la la'
at the top of his lungs

'I'm not listening!'
sing song singing
even as I pried his hands away
from the sides of his head
even as I pressed my breasts against
his now blackened purple ribs
in a display of violent caressing that I knew
had to hurt
'I'm still not listening!
La! La! LA!
Not listening! Not listening!
NOT LISTENING!'

that's when I punched him in the face
rattled his teeth around inside his mouth
twin rivers of blood gushing from his nostrils
suddenly stunned into silence
both eyes as big as dinner plates
tongue working but nothing coming out
his cock limp
his hands useless
at his side
his lips swelling 

I took a deep shuttering breath,
shored up my anger,
clenched my legs and said,
'I love you,
and I don't like it.
Now stop bleeding on my sheets
and get the fuck out of here.'