The Word

I wrote a single word upon his lips;
One Word--
--Vengeance.

And I kissed that Word,
worked it upon my tongue,
forcing it past his objections--
wetting the interior of his mouth,
and shoving it down his throat.

In my eyes he saw Hell;
In my face he saw will;
and in my hands he felt the force,
of what I had become.
Held the name of it with his fingertips,
and whispered it out loud--
--Evil.

"Are those snakes upon you?"
Serpents, my love;
Serpents with knowledge of your ills,
and your preference for pretty young things--
Firm tits under your hands,
round asses between your knees;
Wet mouths dripping with hunger,
and overt drug-induced pleas to fuck on the kitchen counter.

"And what are you, so darkened on this diatribe?"
Me? I am disillusionment with heavy breasts.
I am the weapon in sexuality.
I am the fear of intellectual aggressiveness.
I am the undelicate, the weighted, the unrest,
the opened-eyed antithesis to morality and concept.
I am the voodoo poet, the neurotic sex symbol,
the reverence for the systemic failure
of your little self-important world.
I am the Devil come to sit with you for lunch,
and talk about your house plants.

I am the one with the Word.
I am the one who has stored up that Word,
and given birth to the Idea of the Word--
I have taken the Word,
and molded it,
and fired it,
and breath'd life into it.
I have become the Word--
The Idea;
The moment when the Idea becomes the Word,
and forces itself upon your ears and lips and eyes.

And I am forcing it past his lips,
ending conversations and confessions--
Pleas and rebukes-- ending with the Word.
His eyes are rolling back in his head;
he is twirling his neck from side to side,
wide-eyed, mouth working, tongue flapping;
But I am now consumed in the Word,
coming out all sweet and dripping--
and with sticky fingers,
trailing along his shirt collar,
I leave him with the loss of the Word,
bleeding out onto the table.

And I am Vengeance,
with the Word firmly written upon her lips,
and a kiss too unspeakable to ever want.

Blueberries and Ash

I am hounded by your hands
my evil-throated man
the drumming of your fingers on my thighs
the beat of your breath in my ear
all madness

I have taken your unwillingness up in my mouth
rolled it over my tongue
swished it between my teeth
and spat it out again

you taste of blueberries and ash
remind me of my homeland
where the trees bent at my passing
the grass forming knots as I would go

you called me ice maiden
mad with the cold
you called me
the eternal virgin
and sent me on to arid pastures

you looped my hair over your fist
and held me there
mad eyes rolling, mad eyes
you stood on my hands
and tried to reach God

and I am throat
all calling and want
voice straining for Heaven
past your tilting mind
riding your last thought
to stars just above your head

body now my own
unfettered by your slipping grip
your bones under my heals
your neck at an impossible angle

you forever quiet
and me
with Sun in my mouth
rolling on eternal hills
in the Grace of the Ever Shining All

The Burden

He called my name;
--It made me shudder;
and stutter,
and try to say something important.

He, who was unguarded,
now had dogs at his feet.
He wanted me to bend over,
and do as he said.
He wanted to force himself into my mouth,
fill me with his importance,
his singular word,
--His seed; unerring his strength and malice.

I resisted the urge to bite down.
I resisted the urge to plunge something into his chest.
If I opened a hole in him,
he could feel what it was like to be penetrated;
He could feel what it was like to be a woman.
I could force the birth of his organs,
--and through pain he could know what it was to be us.

Us, weaker sex; us, stone around your neck;
You love to hate us; love to watch us under you.
Watch us on our knees- taking what you like,
what you see as order in the eyes of God;
Speak your word and we can have a place at your side.
You hate to love us; hate our tidal bodies and pointed stares.
Hate the word upon our lips,
our teeth set to free our sisters;
Latched to ship's poles we never break,
we know you and shut our eyes at your blows;
And you will never know how we birth'd our disdain,
and hid it behind our tongues.

And with his veiled dislike of my unfolding,
he forced me down, cooed my name;
Told me to run my hands over my eyes.
Said this was right;
This was a game of control,
but he offered no respect to that other sex,
read no fairer author, saw no art in the hands of delicate ease.
"I am man," he mouthed over my head,
and shoved his fingers past my lips.

--He called my name;
Burden,
and I turned away.

Lament of Gold

strange now
that I should be bore here
upon the backs of my countrymen
through golden fields
upon shoulders uplifted
that I once liberated

strange now
that I should be bore here
upon your soft hands
and silken breasts
carried on the scent
of your golden hair

strange because I had
wandered far from you;
far from this dawning land;
this holiest of holy homelands

I, who had seen the Pharaoh's
kneeling at Ra's pyramidic feet
I, who had watched
Druidean priests scurry up
giant mistletoe trees
I, who had accompanied
mad Arabs to the holy land
beyond Saladin's great city walls
I, who knew the sword of foreign nobility
and drove armies to the edges of the earth

strange because I had
fled from your hair and breathe
into the arms of Athenian whore mystics
seeking visions in the form of knowledge
and the taste of forbidden pomegranates
on my tingling tongue

I was unpracticed in you soft ways
I listened to the waves of foreign shores
for the voices of mimic gods drawing me forward
and outward
and I stayed my heart at your voice
your hands could not sooth my fettered mind;
my rattling soul jittering for great sails in blustering wind
and pounding horse hooves down dirt roads

your languid eyes could not hold me here
in the times of my youthful heart
and it is strange now that on the years of my death
I should find myself in your arms once more
those pools of eyes staring softly at me
as great and free men carry me over endless oceans
and rocky gates
to the glittering fields of my childhood
strange that your arms wrap as tightly around me now
as they did then
strange that your face has not changed in the intervening years
and I realize in these last dim moments
that I have heard your soft voice singing to me
all this time
across all these lands

you, who have drawn me back here
cradled me to your breast
and sang the hymns of a homeland
I had almost forgot
that my eyes should once more see
vast fields of gold on gold
and my body should flow onto this sandy shore
where children race down the beach
throwing their voices to the wind
and I could look upon your eyes
one last time
and see the mother of all this land
in your fading smile

A Wall of Black Birds

a wall of black birds
met my eyes
with a slamming start

black wings and black eyes
falling on me
in one swoop
and a woop
and a call

suddenly
I was upright with my mouth
now wide open
gaping
mawing
stretching from here
to that Christ-like figure in the sky

black birds, black birds
in my teeth
reaching for my throat
black feathers sliding down my belly
sprouting out my arms
decorating the crown of my head

my vision darkens
the fury of the sheer beating of wings
drowns me in bleakness
deafens me
weakens me
I hiss through my teeth
and turn my eyes upwards

the sky is black
I choke on feathers
vomit up my undiluted love
I raise my hands in front of my face
crying out loudly
I flap my arms
and fly furiously on

Bull's Blood

he raised the axe above his head
his swing long and true
the moonlight glinting down the blade
his hands straining against the wood

with my feet pounding down that dirt road
I saw his arms moving
my lungs burning with air
my blood cursing my veins

Big Black Bull
it's hot breath snorting
dust kicking up under its hooves
an eye gone wild pulling against the bonds

Big Black Bull
calling out to the night in frantic timing
my legs faltering as I ran down that drenched road
the darkness cutting before me

the Bull as black as the night surrounding it
I raised it up with my own hands
raised up that Bull
and called him mine

when the axe met its mark
that wild eye rolled back one last time
his arms shuddered with the impact
and the blade came away now dark with blood

finally reaching his side
he turned to me and said,
'gather up the blood in a steel dish,
for to waste nothing is to want for nothing'

I dropped down beside that great beast
its hot breath now cold and un-stirring
I dug my fingers into the dark bloodied fur
and nestled the dish beneath its throat

I wiped my hands on my long skirt
staining the fabric the deep red of Bull's Blood
my hands dark in dirt and fur
Bull's Blood running down my arms mingling in my own veins

I am now a bride of Bulls
mistletoe tangled in my hair
white Bulls at my side
my skin dark with blood

I who have seen them thundering from the sea
I who have seen the priests in the trees
I who have stood as Bull opened up the ground
I who have rode upon his back with swords in my arms

the Blood is flowing in me now
forcing my heart to beat
I turn one mad eye
and my breath comes out in a hot snort

he pivots to me at the sound
the axe still at his side
I run my hand through my hair
and feel for horns growing there

A Dim Wish

You have given me words and I have used them;
You have given me thoughts and I have twisted them;
You have touched me and in that moment I let it happen.

Your hands took my integrity
with the force of your fingers,
digging into my thighs
running your teeth down my spine.

I screamed and you smiled.
I crumpled under your weight and you giggled madly,
Madman...
Madness riddling your brain;
making your eyes little dark holes in your head.
Your smile is all crooked teeth,
and malicious intent;
You peer into my mouth with that look on your face
and I know I am lost.

Lost to your crippled heart;
When you pull against me, I bend,
I never wanted to
but in the moment I lose all choice--
All independent movement;
Suddenly puppet to your demented driving,
The mad giggling shrill in my ears.

You are poison reaching, poised intent;
No gentility only tearing.
Me, tearing.
A ripping in the event,
The time, me.
You are the year in reverse,
mad eyes rolling back in your head
as you drive your fingers deeper into me.
Ripper reaper nipper seeper--

You are the death of my dreams,
You are the death of my skin,
all teeth and fingers and material madness.
I hate you with all my aching,
my arching,
I hate you.

A dim wish fills my mind--

Your hand covers my mouth,
Fluttering,
and everything goes dark
in the shadow of your black intent;
Your darker plan.
And I am extinguished in the eyes of God.
Abandoned here,
Wrecked on your insane shore.
Wreckage all around me.

I drown in you,
Rippling in the light,
Grinding your teeth together,
Running your tongue over your rotting lips,
I am looped in the loops of your hair,
and know I am drowning there.
I hold my breath and sink.
The world goes dim-- dark,
I hear you laughing from far away,
I am gone,
and no one will ever search for me here.