day after day
and look out over the alley way
that leads to somewhere else
I sit here and old conversations
drift through my head
I rarely speak
and when I do my voice cracks
Old promises broken
with the intention of never being kept
nocturnal admissions
never meant to be heard
quiet murmuring echoing
in the chambers of my bedroom
fingers still brushing my skin
shifting over my body
little smiles
and tears clinging to long eyelashes
He said I was too much
took up that doorway
like a storm
emotions rolling off me
like a drowning wave
still naked
still standing there
Jesus was not meant for anything better
He told me he felt like a sexual superhero
like a dark hipster poet god
all the girls loved
when I looked at him that way
I made him feel strength
as he brushed his fingers
over the knife wounds on his chest
and remembered my lips upon him
He whispered how he imagined me
slipping down a road in some tropical country
with hyacinths in my hair
marveled as I walked barefoot
through city streets
danced me to the end of the night
careful to avoid my crystalline ways
He kissed me under a street light
kept his hands on my wide hips
no matter where I went
we woke the neighbors
told me beauty like mine
was hard to swallow
and refused to sleep at my side
He extolled the virtue
of my green eyes
seemingly hypnotized by their wavering colour
like a drowning whirlpool
hiding in some green still lake
told me I was out to pull him under
just the same
cried in my arms
and asked me to not hate him
how can I not hate
when love has led me to
the most vile
regions of my heart?
how can I not pledge myself
to this emptiness
when emotions
are the poison
my clouded mind
seeks to swallow?
how do I live
in the shadow of another
when he sees my body
as a home
and refuses to see
the cracks in the foundation?
how can I be beautiful
when they spit out my name
and wash me
from their throats?
in here
with no prying eyes
i am perfectly flawed
and my halo
is carefully stowed away
i am Queen
to the dust
and Empress of pain
they will call me wicked
in the fires of falsified love
carry the scars I left on their skin
remember the quickness of my licking tongue
the softness of my thighs
but I will
still be
undone
and never
beautiful
with my wild black hair
and my treacherous green eyes
my villainous snow white skin
and my deceptive softness
my empire is built of trash
and i will
throw myself away
before you ever
get the chance
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