Amy

I was seventeen
and she was pretty when I met her
with soft lips hiding bad teeth
me all lumpish in my great black coat
smiling back in my smeared black eyeliner
and industrial leather boots
falling in love with her
behind the ice cream counter

her parents practically adopted me
always trying to fill me with food
when I preferred to starve
her dad never without a far out story
and a big laugh
her mom endlessly patient smiling quietly

Amy and I held hands under the table
and soon enough we were sharing boys
and friends
and cigarettes
and badly rolled joints
and angsty teenage poetry

I loved her
but I don't think she loved me that way
as a parade of violent men
entered her life
in the years that I knew her
plucking little bits of her all purple inside and out
as her sickness grew out of control

I never knew what was wrong with her
always sick
sick in love with destructive men
who didn't love her back

sick with a broken body
and a head full of fractured glass
years later on my doorstep
with scrambled memories from electroshock treatments
and even more years later a crack habit
that broke my heart in half when I had to turn her away

I think about the nights when we were young
drunk on tequila
and singing late into the night at the top of the stairs
running through the dark park
and down the highway 
in that tiny town
where there really was nothing to do
with our silly friends
high as kites on cheap sticky weed
stopping in the playground
to swing as high as we could
pumping our legs towards heaven
I think of the boy I shouldn't have drunkenly fucked
her aching love
and the cruelty she found to level at me
which I probably deserved
but mostly I think of my head in her lap
the music we couldn't stop listening to
the way we believed in magic
smearing charcoal across big swaths of paper
endlessly talking night after night
her crooked smile peering down at me
and the secrets we shared

she's always there
the first girl I loved
Amy with her crooked teeth
and lost little heart
most days I'm somebody else now
but I'll never forget her hand in mine
as we disappeared into the trees
and whispered to each other
'maybe we'll just never go back again'

Black Kingdom

I knew his handsome smile
and he knew my evil
drank it down like chocolate and ice
always reaching to my breast for more
lapping at the drops
like a hungry blue eyed cat
digging his claws into my supple thighs

he slipped through my dark and poisonous wood
too slick to be burned
laced his fingers in the black tangle of my pubic hair
and called me an unused bitch
as he bit down on my wretching shoulder
digging himself into my pink fleshy folds

even as purple bruises blossomed upon my hyde
he whispered the secrets of my kingdom
to fair haired maidens
with lose morals and slacking corsets
drinking their sex like so much wine

he called me
the Black Queen
prisoner to mine own great tower
Black Heart in the shadows of his twisting fingers
Queen to nothing but time and regret

he came for kisses
off my poisonous red lips
ate the bark from the trees in the courtyard
and stripped the roses from the gardens
to make my bed and lay me roughly in thorns
thrusting like a thousand black swords
unsheathed and cannibal in his passion

I am a bleeding cunt of a woman
never trust that which does not die
bloodied hands slick in childbirth
the graves of stillborn children
amassing in my eyes

he called me the Black, Black Queen
and spit out my name
the dust rose up into a great black bird
it's great black call breaking the heads off the gravestones
tiny eyes and tiny fingers plucking my bloody soul heaven-ward

save those virgin eyes
so that I may wither upon this stone floor
Great Witch to his trodding steps
this fallen kingdom with blackest armies
marching endlessly into useless dawns
make his hands frozen
so I may fall in the state of broken jewels
in dire crowns
and crash down those blackened towers

o'er my end come
in shiny black stones
now bride to the singing blade
that final bleeding slash in the mouth of the world
I am a cunt
and a Queen
and when the world ends
when the walls burn and fall
I will sit on the throne of Hell
Black Queen to all the blackest souls
writhing forever with burning eyes
in an endless bleeding dark

Cells

it is the darkest hunger
in the circle of mine arms
and my kiss is eating

i am an open wound
split for the sky
where you pour in

just under my skin

and around the lips
we go
to and fro

no better idea
to this land
which i trace

with fingertips lost yesterday

flesh of my flesh
ash of my ash
you are my lesson

i am never right
witness your eyes
tears tell all memories

in me you see no star

that evening skin
early morning touch
your lips upon my breasts

vessel all empty
fill me up
i am no use for you

and you burn my name from your tongue

Poems Written While Drunk

she said 'bring me a stubby beer bottle
and a pack of smokes'
then she flicked lit matches at my head

i replied 'there's only one thing I wanna do
right now
and that's eat snacks and kiss you'

she frowned at me
and said 'don't be stupid'
knocking the rest of the whiskey back
straight outta the bottle

she then proceeded to throw that
at my head too
luckily I can duck real fast
even when I'm drunk

that's about when the room
started to spin counter-clockwise
but she was spinning clockwise
for some insane and ultimately invalid reason

she had taken her top off by this point
and I could see her nipples
pressing against the thin fabric of her bra
I thought about diving head first into her cleavage
like a man overboard

she threatened to strangle me
with my own tongue
when she caught me staring

I slurred 'have you ever
seen a drunk skunk?'
to quickly change the topic
and avoid the violence i knew she was capable of

'I wanna swim with bow-legged women
and someone should invite a duck'
she rolled her eyes
until I thought they'd come right outta her head

she didn't think much of my ideas
but I knew I could wear her down
if I let her beat me about the head for awhile
I nodded 'I'm gonna need another drink
if we're gonna get into this shit'

I polished off one of several bottles
littering the table
and swayed a little to the side

that's when she came at me with a lit cigarette
and the thickest bible I've ever seen
thwacking me upside the head
and knocking me flat on my back
over the side of the table

'if we're gonna do this'
she roared holding the burning ember of the cigarette to my eye
'I'm gonna need better drugs than this bullocks you got
you sorry fucking bastard'

that's about when everything went completely black
and I prayed for someone to save my soul
I knew I shouldn't have been writing poems when I was drunk
that shit's just plain old dangerous

Nancy by the Sea

so I got this big amber bottle of tequila
and I named it Nancy
so I could drown some bad ideas for awhile

Nancy said
'you realize bad ideas tend to tie
floaters to their heads'

she was right of course
but I always preferred self-destruction
over conversation anyways

I took Nancy to the beach
so we could listen to the boats
smash up on the rocky shore

and laugh as the sailors fell in
thrashing about the water
like parasites

Nancy knew all the best dirty jokes
and recited them one after the other
until we were both rolling on the ground
clutching our sides

Nancy tasted of gasoline and cigarette butts
and had this tendency to make my head spin
but she was still the best company I had all week

Nancy suggested we get naked
and run into the surf
it seemed like a good idea at the time

I was always a fan of nudity
and doomed attempts at fun
so I flung my clothes over the railing
and ran straight into the crashing waves

once set to sea
Nancy bobbed next to me
asking 'is he really worth it?'

I answered between lungfuls of salty water
'why the fuck not?
what else better do I have to do on a Monday night?'

they found me a week later
clinging to a buoy covered in seagull shit
muttering 'Nancy, Nancy,
why did you leave me?'

as it turns out
my lovers never stick around for long
and bad ideas really do float

The Distance Between God and Womankind

how was I to know
what my skin would do to you
I`m a nun from now on

I`m all black and white
and silky penguin sweat
I`ll live on my looks for awhile

if I can outrun
the Devil
I can outrun you

Jesus Christ
walks into a bar
and I catch your eye

someday you`ll die
and I'll come to your funeral
in a red dress

you're lips keep me up
laying for hours in a day
where did this get me?

well Father Lucifer
who did you follow this time?
I know no saints

I'd kiss you
even if you were planting
bullets in my chest

let's maintain this good time
order pink cocktails
inhale smoke from pretty lips

fire a few clips
dance like the whole fucking room is watching
order food we don't plan to eat

fuck like we mean it
save the truth for
stupider men

someone's gotta help me sleep
on these unnatural settings
and I love you

it's only my dirty tongue
and it's unnatural ability
to suck cock without regret

Jesus Christ
walked into a hotel
and gave me pointers

the Devil offered critiques of my style
I've still got eyes for you
they're in that box over there

come and see me
when your heart is finally glued all back together
I'll tell you about dinosaur bones
and the distance between God and womankind

Candy

I came here to be a Monster

if I'm the realization of all your worst fears
more hungry rows of teeth than smile
then you better grow eyes in the back of your head

I came with the ability to sniff out the sweetest flesh
I came with a violent past
I came with a taste for bones and candy

when you said 'I'm losing something'
I looked down and replied 'you're losing blood'

and when you asked 'what are you?'
I didn't have an answer

but I know when I finally bite into you
you will taste like candied apples
all sweet and sticky and red
dripping all over my legs on a hot summer night

you're sweeter than all the treats at the carnival
like rotting sugar and pennies
and I could lick you off my fingers
all day long

I could eat you like strawberry pie
and suck up your insides like clotted cream

with my filthy claws in your chest
I can tell you who I am
and show you your creamy fillings

you are a chocolate covered gummy bear
I just can't wait to sink my teeth into
and I enjoy biting the heads off first

I may not be your dream girl
but I am more than happy to be
your little honeyed nightmare

you've got eyes like bright bulging gumballs
and they will roll into the back of your head
you're sweeter than any syrup I've ever tasted
I want you like gumdrops

and when you are all used up
when I've lapped up every sticky drop
you'll be a candy wrapper
all eaten and balled up and tossed in the trash

but I'll still be darkly hungry
and I'll have to move on
to find someone else just as delicious to eat
like a bagful of pretty shiny candy

I came here to be a Monster
and every dreadfully beautiful day
I violently and sweetly succeed