Monday, July 23, 2012

Poems Written While Drunk

she said 'bring me a stubby beer bottle
and a pack of smokes'
then she flicked lit matches at my head

i replied 'there's only one thing I wanna do
right now
and that's eat snacks and kiss you'

she frowned at me
and said 'don't be stupid'
knocking the rest of the whiskey back
straight outta the bottle

she then proceeded to throw that
at my head too
luckily I can duck real fast
even when I'm drunk

that's about when the room
started to spin counter-clockwise
but she was spinning clockwise
for some insane and ultimately invalid reason

she had taken her top off by this point
and I could see her nipples
pressing against the thin fabric of her bra
I thought about diving head first into her cleavage
like a man overboard

she threatened to strangle me
with my own tongue
when she caught me staring

I slurred 'have you ever
seen a drunk skunk?'
to quickly change the topic
and avoid the violence i knew she was capable of

'I wanna swim with bow-legged women
and someone should invite a duck'
she rolled her eyes
until I thought they'd come right outta her head

she didn't think much of my ideas
but I knew I could wear her down
if I let her beat me about the head for awhile
I nodded 'I'm gonna need another drink
if we're gonna get into this shit'

I polished off one of several bottles
littering the table
and swayed a little to the side

that's when she came at me with a lit cigarette
and the thickest bible I've ever seen
thwacking me upside the head
and knocking me flat on my back
over the side of the table

'if we're gonna do this'
she roared holding the burning ember of the cigarette to my eye
'I'm gonna need better drugs than this bullocks you got
you sorry fucking bastard'

that's about when everything went completely black
and I prayed for someone to save my soul
I knew I shouldn't have been writing poems when I was drunk
that shit's just plain old dangerous

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