God, I'm Hungry

I have a secret drawer
I keep my lovers there
I hide them under my father's obituary
and one of the few medals
I ever won
You never gave me a letter
and I had to steal a photo
so I have little to keep
and fewer places to remember them
stuck between the pages of some volume
I hid my hunger
the petals of a different love
and I forgot about them
someday in the mountians of books
that fill my bookcases
I will stumble across it again
and remember something
feel something
trace those pressed edges
and peel up the corners
my underneath
never really forgets
I move on
but I am not the kind
to ever really let go
it's always under there
somewhere
maybe stuck to the underside of the desk
weighed down by old trinkets
but I never really
let my love for you go
I am as dusty
as a dust jacket
crinkled like ancient paper
I pressed myself in those pages long ago
between those covers
petrified like old cookies
warm as chocolate tea
that's where I keep my secret hunger
folded and bent
under a thousand feet
of broken heart pieces
with the curse
of a good memory
and the prying apart
of tenderest lips

The Monster In My Head

you come creeping
and seeping
and peeling back
my layers

nephilim
too sad to be
beautiful
too beautiful
to be mine

it tells me
I am worth nothing
I am not
lovable

but detesting
is my domain
and I dwell here
buried

I am burned
by unwant
quicker than
any acid

I am scorched
by need
faster than
any poison

I am crippled
slung under the
weight
of a thousand
dirty hearts

reality
is a dark crutch
and I have found
lofty ideas
often strip
us down

the morning star
guides me
to my drowned
self

I am the sliver
buried in
your sex

I am worth
nothing
so much
as your hate
your indifference
your avoidance

this is a
place I have been before
I locked the doors
tossed the furniture
out the window
sat on the bare floor
and ripped myself
open

guts all over the
walls
a beating heart
still in my hand
ethereal
glowing
unreal

this land
so unreal

cast me out
demon
cast me down
hate me
spit me out
vomit me up
rip me apart

I am the eye
and I see you
the Scorpio moon
bound us
I burnt the hair
and found us
there

cast me out
I am your demon
in love for
eternity
and buried
under a hundred feet
of solid rock

I will never be right
and can only lust
like monsters do

SpectreLand

I keep the horror in my bedside table drawer
turn it on high when I need a blood transfusion
and a bad dream
the hinges scream
wake up the neighbors
they cover their ears
knowing it's happening again
who is that raven haired ghost?
they know I'm haunting the rooms
moving the walls
tossing the furniture
ripping up the floor boards
and in the morning
it will all be back in place
just like no one was ever there
the quiet
will be frightening
stillness
becomes a horror of its own
I own it
parade it around
like a rotting gown
all laced Victorian will
mourning enamel etched into the crowns
little skulls
with grinning faces
a flowing of eyes
drifting in on gossamer mist
the staircase breathes
shifts and creaks
the walls rupture
the yellow paper covering it
runs about the room
in skittering little patterns
around the edge
that woman chases it
never leaves it
I watch her struggle
float to the ceiling
drip blood onto the heads
of craning necks
and tourists
there's a severed limb
in the hallway
it makes a nice decoration
you can plant flowers
in the empty sockets
we got trapped here
when we tried to leave
violence pinned us down
like butterflies
on felt backgrounds
we are the edge
the living fear
and move as vapor
through these timeless scenes
unrelenting in our recollections
always fearful of what we knew
we have no end
we are the reflection
we have no way
even the greatest exorcist
can not clear us out
we are the denizens
of this house
and I know above all else
there is nothing better
on the other side

The Horror of Who I Am

I am the Green Eyed Devil
much too hard to love
with the tastiest meat
that you vomit up
after eating too much
you're fumbling with the lock
trying to get out
before I can wake up
those Green Eyes are a trap
that look
that gentleness
you want to pluck those eyes out
you ate enough last night
can't stand that devilish love
you ain't coming back
not again
looking back up the stairs
you see my Green Eyes
following you
drowned in emotion
tears trembling on eyelashes
you'll be back
when you're drunk
and high
and horny
and need those warm tits
to slip in between

I am the Green Eyed Devil
imprisoned in the ice
six wings
six mouths
frozen right here
in my rage
every feeling
stays with me forever
I fell
but not so far
as the floor
it held me up
cracked under my weight
ugly girl
crack your head
against the pavement
jumped a little too far
too handsome
to be trusted
they come for me
one by one
their dicks in their hands
their hearts in their throats
save us
heal us
please us
go away
go away
away
Green Eyed Devil
go away
we never wanted you anyways