Maybe the Beast is Me

such big lies
slipping out of such a small mouth
I might hate myself
but don't we all
last time I looked
I'm pretty sure I saw you
scarring your face
trying to obscure
your beauty
so the world would see
you as ugly as I am
my ugliness comes
from what they did to me
on those swings
in the gravel pit
by the teeter totters
over by the jungle gym
all the names
ground into my skin
like nut shells
and broken clay pots
I am buried
in an archeological dig
of my own making
my fractured stupid past
the dinosaur bones
of flapping dicks
and fear making me run
that dog near my side
they cut my hair
so long it brushed my ass
they ruined it
cut it all off
in a moment of easy cruelty
I bled tears
valued my ugliness
hid myself
cringed when anyone
reached out to touch me
I can't stop cringing
even now
she said
you deserve someone
who wants to be with you
I cried
bitter ugly tears
made ugliness my armour
twisted snarled lips
howling angry at the moon
cursing the father who led me here
the ruin that made
lampshades of my skin
that made me
crawl on the ground
licking rocks
and bashing my knees
on your stairs
maybe the beast is me
maybe I can't see
beyond these red scars
maybe you should slay me
drive your words right down into my chest
make me choke on your obscured eyes
claim that beast
fuck her all up
tear her tongue out
nail it to your wall
I can speak no lies
I can speak not
Your beauty has killed me
and I am buried in the remains
of my childhood